Not that kind of Nut.

I had frequent thoughts of someone today and was overcome by overwhelming emotion throughout. I was vying for someone to talk to. And as my thoughts reverted continuously to this person, I couldn’t help but resort to something I probably should have earlier in the day.

Rather, someOne.

I’m a Christian. I chose this path for myself when I was 19 and while I have had my backslides, I’m not turning back. I don’t know how much you know about me but here I am telling you because while I don’t exactly exude Christianity, it’s still something I’m taking to my grave and into my heart. And for some odd reason, I felt compelled to write about it now.

Look, I’m not a perfect Christian and I never will be. I will fall over and over and over again but I do expect Him to catch me. That’s faith, isn’t it? I’m not a Westboro Baptist nor will I ever be. I’m not going to knock on your door and tell you that you’re going to hell, though scripture says if you aren’t saved you are. I’m not going to stone you for getting divorced or being gay — I will never tell you God hates you for it because He doesn’t. That’s why Jesus came to be, after all (John 3:16; the verse “even atheists know”). He’s not my excuse to sin but he’s my excuse to follow. Does that make sense?

I believe in Christ the Savior because I want to believe in an amazing human who did nothing but love and give himself up for the sake of love. I believe in Jesus because I want to be like him. Jesus lived full of love and without fear — for “one who fears has not been made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). That’s the kind of person I strive to be, so I follow.

I believe in the Father because ultimately humans fail you. It’s true, it is an inevitable part of life. People fail you whether or not they mean to. But He is an unchanging God and He gives me something to hold on to when I have no one else to. A father to the fatherless. I like the thought of knowing that He is there, when no one else can be. And I think that’s okay. And if He really is always there, while we won’t always understand what exactly He’s doing, then why not do all you can to serve him?

I believe in the Spirit because I feel it all around me when I’m surrounded by people of Christ. I feel it in my soul when I am most grateful and gracious. I feel it convict my heart when I need it most. Because there is nothing more fulfilling to me than knowing that I am loved and that I can love. And God is love (1 John 4:8).

Spare me the talks of how historically, it makes no sense or how science says He can’t exist. Frankly, I don’t care and it’s not because I’m blinded by faith. Rather, I am empowered by it. Maybe all those stories that coincide are in fact one, just with different names. I’ve a friend who believes we all believe in the same God, under different names. Plus I’m currently reading Zealot which talks about historical Jesus. As for science, it has been wrong before and will continue to change (whereas God does not) and Einstein did say the more he continued his research, the more he believed in a God.

I don’t have all the answers but I don’t believe anyone does. Maybe God just likes to give people the run around, to remind them that they won’t ever have it figured it out — but that just might be the cynic in me.

So don’t get all offended when I tell you I love Jesus and I won’t when you tell me you don’t. Because that’s okay. My Bible says that He loves you and that’s enough for me to love you too. Despite and in spite of everything.

And in case you were wondering what my favorite verse is (you weren’t):
“He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”
— Colossians 1:17 

And I kind of needed to read that right about now.


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