So recently, my sister shared this written thingy on the internet called ” Addressing Toxic Behaviors in Filipino Families“. It’s insane to me that toxicity is actually considered a cultural practice for an entire race of people. Of course, most of these people don’t realize that it’s even toxic, which is why it’s so prevalent.
I know so many people – usually females – who have had the bitter experience of not feeling worth anything because of the way that their families treat them. I know so few parents who actually attempt to listen to their children when they’re trying to explain themselves. There are some cases where the child becomes so far gone that in his/her own defense, they’re unable to actually open themselves up if the elder does try. There are even cases of children repeating that kind of behavior, not realizing that they are. Breaking out of the toxicity is hard. I, myself, am Filipina which usually indicates that I have at some point been exposed to this kind of behavior (I have) but that’s not a discussion for this blog.
In any case, my sisters and I try very hard to avoid this kind of behavior with each other. At this point, we’re all adults. We’re not stupid and we have a pretty decent understanding whether or not something is healthy. We have standards of how we want to be treated and how we should be treating other people, each other included. We’re not perfect, of course. Sometimes one of us is inconsiderate or irrational with the other but the most important thing is that we keep each other in check and always express our truths to each other. We don’t gossip about each other and if two of us are fighting, we certainly don’t make up stories to win favor with the remaining sister.
I don’t want any of our kids being taught that it’s okay to be mean to each other just because we’re family. I don’t want them thinking it’s okay to just ignore bad things that happen to each other for the sake of Facebook photos. I will do my best to always listen to them, even when I’m upset. When they attempt to tell me their truths, I won’t roll my eyes and tell them “oh please”. If I hear something about my nieces from someone, I’ll ask first and judge never. And I will never, ever ever lie about or say mean things about someone for the sake of conversation.
And while I won’t actually speak about specific events that actually have happened in my own family publicly (not now, if ever), I can say this: at least toxic family practices is the reason I started writing in the first place.
On a totally irrelevant note, should I start posting header photos with these?