I probably shouldn’t be doing this 16 minutes before I have to go to my only and last class of the day (Intermediate Chamoru, if you must know), but what-the-hey here I am. Plus, I haven’t posted since January.
Workaholic, I’ve been called that. Despite the fact, that I can and have been a Class A slacker at school, I hit hard when I do work. I’ve been doing my passions for a very long time, as a friend told me this afternoon “hobbies turned careers” so my “workaholism” as some might call it, isn’t exactly new. In high school, every friend I had would approach me whenever they had video projects. I once had to turn out three video projects in a one week period — none of which were mine — on top of getting my actual schoolwork done.
Today, I’m almost attached to my email list and my laptop. I’d be sending last minute e-mails at a pool party and have people basically yelling at me to put the thing away. It’s almost hard for me to not talk about what I’m working on.
I just don’t like saying no. Perhaps it’s my crazy obsession with proving to people that I can do things, but it’s evidently not healthy. I’ll be breaking my back and my eating habits just to work around the clock to get things done. The past year has gone above and beyond that I need to learn how to say “no, I don’t think I can do that right now” and be able to accept the fact that I just plum can’t do it and not necessarily because I don’t have the ability to. It’s not that I don’t get paid enough for what I do — which I probably don’t but that happens when you’re doing it for the love of it — it’s that it’s not healthy for me to not be eating or sleeping or making myself susceptible to anxiety attacks just because someone cannot figure out what his/her demands are.
It’s not a “can’t”, it’s a “won’t” and just because I won’t doesn’t mean I can’t. I just have to remember that I don’t need to prove that I can, and shouldn’t have to. Mind over matter.
Besides, I think I’m doing enough to prove that I can. By the way, have you seen my new soap opera? It’s pretty fabulous.