how am i doing

You know how you have those great days when you really feel like you’re on top of things? Like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom and everything is falling into place for you? I do not feel like that today. I do not feel like that this week. It does not feel like for me that I am on top of things. I can come up with reasons I don’t. I can come up with reasons that I shouldn’t feel that way and all the things I actually have accomplished lately.

But I don’t. I don’t feel like I’m doing that much. And that just kind of comes with the territory right? Just never feeling like you’ve done enough. I don’t know how to circumvent that, not really. I can show myself pages and pages of checkmarks in my planner and notes of the extra things I did…but all those empty circles? Those do me in. And I still don’t know how to let them go.

So, I’m not feeling that great today.

But I’m not writing that so you feel sympathy for me or try to cheer my up. No. It’s just because….I want to be honest. I come in here and write essays about things I think are important and how to make prioritizing our communities easier on ourselves. But other than that, I’m still a person. And I still struggle. And I am trying to be so much better about being honest with those struggles. Trying to be honest about what a just okay day is like.

And today is just okay. And maybe I don’t feel the most okay.

But that’s…okay. Right?

I don’t know if blogs like this will be useful because I’m not actually preaching anything.

But I used to use my blog as an online journal and I guess I can do that a little more often. Mostly for myself. To unload some of the pressure of writing the perfect thing. Or anything that makes any kind of real sense.

Anyway that’s it. This is how I’m going to end it.

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